The only thing that provides me solace is the thought of me lying down, head in her lap and looking in her eyes. Lying down in her lap symbolizes strange peace and serenity that I have longed for since eternity, i.e. a sort of completeness, fulfillment, divine satisfaction. Her eyes would convey her entire presence to me. They told me about the world she then lived in, her joys, her sorrows, her thoughts and all that she wanted to say.
Yes, lying down, head in her lap and looking in her eyes would take me miles away from the hopeless situation that I find myself in. This strange "so near yet so far" syndrome seems to be confronting me, such that, at times I feel like person returning to his homeland full of hopes, only to discover that nothing is his and no one recognizes him.
That calmness in her eyes and the feelings that they convey, hide me from all materialistic and worldly worries. At that point of divine satisfaction I just do not remember any of my problems. I feel like a sailor of a ship lost in the seas, who has just sighted land.
But deep in her beautiful eyes lie her own difficulties and troubles, some
of which I still may not be aware of. When I think about them, I realize how insignificant
my problems are, compared to hers. And I feel quite small in her comparison. I feel guilty
about not having comprehended her enough then. Like an ocean, notwithstanding her
own turmoil, she absorbed my problems like a river.
© 2000 Nimesh, all rights reserved
appears here by permission