i married the prom queen
James J. Dwyer
[james.dwyer@thewritgallery.com]
i married the prom queen
she was from texas.
she was trouble.
she was perfect.
she spoiled my plans.
she saved my soul.
she taught me how to live in a trailer park.
she helped me hear the music of the spheres --
also the music made in back alleys
and abandoned lots of bus stations
and all-night burger joints.
i married the prom queen.
she broke my glasses.
she ripped my shirt.
she stabbed me with every blade and
each utensil hidden inside
a swiss army knife.
she bled me dry.
disgraced me.
betrayed me and
left me for dead by the side of the road
on the middle of (fer christ's sake) utah!
when i screamed fuck off she followed me.
when i begged her for mercy she spit in my eye.
when i asked for her favors she puked on my shoes.
when i gave her everything she disappeared.
when i despaired of her love she melted in my arms.
when i convinced her to come home she overdosed.
when i admitted i needed her she kissed me in the nuts.
when i finally managed to forget her she
blew back into my life like a thunderstorm
looking better than ever --
like a thunderstorm making everything else seem
meaningless.
i married the prom queen.
i picked her up hitch hiking.
i met her during the war.
i bumped into her at the derby.
i knew her from high school.
i saw her dancing at the river festival.
we were in west side story together.
my brother was in jail with her first cousin.
we used to buy drugs from the same dealer.
i really wanted to go out with her sister.
i loved her from afar for 20 years.
i tuned up her car when i worked at the pontiac dealer.
i met her when my band -- the blue suede meanies --
played at her brother's wedding reception.
she was my anthropology professor.
she was a friend of a friend of a friend.
i met her at AA.
i was on a TWA flight her terrorist group highjacked.
we were gods together during the ages of heroes.
we had the same slave master.
i met her in church.
i was her foot doctor.
i thought she was someone else.
i married the prom queen.
i was a gentleman.
i gave her almost all my heart.
i didn't force her to play by my rules
or make her die for my sins.
still, she knew i was lying about something.
she knew it and told me she did.
i denied it and said she was crazy.
she hated me after that.
she saw through me and knew i was nothing.
she couldn't forgive me.
i couldn't forgive her for not forgiving me.
we had the same argument for centuries
trying to decide whose fault the whole thing was.
we never figured it out.
we never understood each other.
i married the prom queen.
we at least loved our children.
i married the prom queen.
we in fact sometimes despised them.
we taught them everything we knew.
we taught them to be themselves.
we taught them to hide.
we taught them to swing from the stars.
we taught them to smile like servants.
we taught them to work like wonders.
we taught them to run like rats.
we taught them to drive like maniacs
and duck like experts
and pop like balloons.
they learned how to fuck on their own.
we hated them for being just like us.
we hated them for not being just like us.
we watched them commit crimes and create
miracles.
we watched them balling that jack.
we finally let them go when we realized they were
gone.
i married he prom queen.
we couldn't stand each other.
we needed each other desperately.
we were never alone.
we were always alone.
we died as we lived.
we died in each other's arms.
we died in despair.
we died in detroit.
we cried out and turned our faces to the wall.
we died happy.
we died alone...
i married the prom queen.
she ruined my life.
thank god she ruined my life.
thank god she ruined my life.
Poem © 1996 James J. Dwyer, all rights reserved
appears here by permission
originally published in The Dayton Voice
(now known as Impact Weekly)
v.4:no.28 (July 10-16, 1996)
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