My group, my people change as fast as I change. And when your life goes one-hundred- miles-per hour, that's a lot of best friends, shit, love and drugs to go through, especially at our age. Our age, when being scared is your only private secret -- that's what I think is wrong with a lot of my group. They're scared of nothing. Nothing society can give them that they can't get from us. Well, that's how they like to think of it. I've tried to stop myself from thinking that way.

           The truth is, no matter how hard we tried to stop ourselves, every one of us was scared that night. Yes, even Liam. It was a stupid thing to do, but, I think the main reason for that was because we were all scared. And, people in our group were starting to realize that there had to be something else out there. So, when I showed them the door to take our fright away, as to be expected, they all pushed through, all wanting to be the first to be able to hide being scared. I had already turned my head as Liam skillfully put his fist through the glass. The loud smash, then the little drops of glass hitting the ground. The noise she and I had loved in earlier years -- smashed light bulbs -- to hear. But it wasn't the same. This was a lot more powerful. A quick check for police, and in they went: Liam, then Bech, then Joe. My god they were loud.

           They were gone two silent moments, while we outsiders shit ourselves. A radio was pushed through the window. Shitty little thing. But being greedy barsterds they went back for more. Two sound systems later, they tried for the computer, cursing as it was too big for the window. They unhooked the printer (a job that I didn't know any of them were capable of) and pushed it through, being extra loud for my neighbors to come out and see it as they stashed the goods and left.

           At 11:00 am on a Sunday morning. Trying to discretely hide a piece of the night is not so easy when he is so scared he wants to be caught.

           When you wake up and you think, how are you going to get your self out of this one?: that's a question that's always on our minds. You can tell when the thought hits, like the rush of a tidal wave. It'll pull you in if your not careful. Careful? No, that doesn't even come close. These people think being careful is not getting caught. But, its more than that. It's not being obvious: another task that often seems difficult for us. So much is happening and I love that, I deal with that, I am trusted with that. So I'd better not fuck it up.



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